Tribute to a Strip Club
by instrument trio
Summary: Four ninja, three blueprints, two pairs of breasts, and one strip club. Cracktastic. Out of character. What's not to love? --Team 7 drabble, one shot--


Hey, this is **Aki** here! This is one of those "can't get it out of my head until I write it down" sort of one shots. Purely for my amusement (and hopefully yours), this is in no way meant to accurately reflect the actions carried out in the genin days of Team 7.

**Disclaimer:** At this point, Kishimoto probably not only owns all of Naruto, but also my soul. Figures.

--

"Kakashi-sensei," Sakura calls out, almost having to yell to be heard over the throbbing music. "Should I let it worry me that it goes against every moral code I've ever been taught to be in a place like this?"

"Well," starts Kakashi, swirling his alcoholic beverage of choice (scotch: very manly), from which he hasn't yet taken a sip. "You _could_… but I wouldn't."

"So, in other words, you don't." Sasuke nonchalantly shoves at a buxom brunette who has draped herself across his lap.

"Hey, now…" Kakashi cocks his head. "What if I told you that my old man never taught me any moral codes, and that settings like this have been very familiar to me from a very young age?"

There's a pause before Sasuke and Sakura let out a simultaneous, "_Ew."_

"Hey, guys!" Naruto hollers, the kimono-like robes they had donned on his sexy-no-jutsu form almost falling off in his excitement. "I got the blueprints!"

"Hey, Naruko-chaaaan…" A slightly balding man clad only in his boxers stumbles out after him. "Come back…"

"Um, Naruto," Sakura coughs a bit awkwardly. "What did you, er, _do_ to get those blueprints?"

"Oh, I couldn't say," A grin spreads across his still-whiskered face, and he neglects to change back into his male, adolescent form. "But he _did_ tell me that he'd do anything for a girl who could use her mouth…"

Sakura shrieks and Sasuke suffers twitches so violent that they border on convulsions.

"So anyway, here, sensei," He hands the set of blue prints out to the man, who absentmindedly shoves them into a pocket in his vest, all while intently watching the stage.

Sakura has taken to repeating _"ew, ew, ew"_ in an increasingly high-pitched voice, and Sasuke facepalms continuously.

"Well, _fine._" Naruto crosses his arms above his over-sized chest. "If you don't like how I get the job done, then I'd like to see any of _you_ try it." Sudden enthusiasm takes him again. "I elect Sasuke!"

"Why me?"

"Because I want to see you _fail_ at being a woman, teme."

"As if I'd actually take the time to learn that technique, loser. It's a complete waste of chakra."

"Oh, I get it. You aren't man enough!"

"…How do you get to be 'man enough' to become a woman?"

"Hey, for your information, it's takes a helluva a lot of testosterone-"

"M-Maybe _I_ could be the woman?" Sakura suggests demurely, waiting for the compliments to come rushing in. Instead, there's a pause before Naruto burst into giant peals of laughter. Even Sasuke partakes in a strange combination of gasps and coughs that _could_ be chuckles, or perhaps he just swallowed the small plastic sword that came with his Coke.

"What's so funny?" Sakura shoots the blond one of her "Death Glares" (in other words, she looks at him with what appears to be mild indignation).

"I-It's just… you… as a _hooker_…" He gasps for air. "It's t-too much… It's just too much…" He barely gets the words out before degenerating into laughter once again.

"What," She growls. "You don't think I could pull it off?"

"No." Sasuke states flatly, having overcome his brief relapse into human emotion.

Sakura makes a frustrated sound and turns to Kakashi for support.

"Boys, don't make fun of Sakura-chan," For once, he doesn't have his "adult novel" out, and is instead engrossed with the pole dancers on the stage. "It's not her fault she's the flattest girl here."

"WHAAAAT?" Her hands fly to her chest, as Naruto falls down in a heap of hilarity again. "Kakashi-sensei-! _I am not!"_

She whirls around, searching for someone less endowed than she, but she can find no one.

"You know what, Kakashi-sensei?" She seethes at last. "I think I'll just have to _report you_ when we get back home! We are in a _strip club; _this is a terrible place to bring fledgling ninja! You are the worst sensei I've ever heard of!"

"Now, Sakura, our mission was to follow Yasashii-san, and he came in here," Kakashi says patiently. "We all got to have a nice drink, and lo and behold! We even got the blueprints." He looks fondly over at Naruto, who has taken to groping his own chest.

"We should have waited for him to go to a less-crowded area, and _you know it!"_ Sakura hisses. "We're barely teenagers; we stick out like sore thumbs!"

"I don't!" proclaims Naruto, grinning, as he rearranges his breasts so they are in even further danger of falling out of his top.

"Hn," grunts Sasuke, and he sits up, making himself look at least five years older.

"Nuuuh…" says Kakashi, literally drooling over a woman dancing five feet away.

"ARGH!" screams Sakura, and she proceeds to yank out several locks of bubble-gum pink hair.

-END-


End file.
